My (sort of) Fourteenth-Century Bar Mitzvah. “And so it came to pass that on the 27th day of Tishri in the year 5725, young Stephen ben Kenneth ben Edward ben Morris ben Aaron of the House of Gertz (formerly Gershowitz, “Horse Traders to the Czar Since 1826”), who dwelt in the land of Queens in the province of New Judea also known as La Ciudad de Nueva York, reached his majority and was accepted into the congregation as a man because God, blessed be He who bestows savings bonds, apparently figures that when a boy’s sperm squad is mature enough for successful reconnaissance and friendly fire that’s all He needs to know, the kid’s man enough to read from the Torah, lead the congregation, or at least form a minyan.” Book Patrol’s Stephen Gertz in rare form.